


Monster

by sixtieshairdo



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sonny is perfect and wonderful and all kinds of sexy, voices in Will's head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 21:32:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtieshairdo/pseuds/sixtieshairdo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a monster that lives in Will's head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sexyscholar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexyscholar/gifts).



There’s a monster inside my head. It mocks me and tells me I will never be good enough for anyone. It makes me feel small and ugly and unworthy of anyone’s time. When my mother neglects me, It convinces me that it is my fault. When Gabi dumped me, It showed me that my flaws drove her away. When Sonny smiles around Brian, It jabs me in the heart and spits at me.

I hate my reflection. Gabi once said that her friends think I’m the hottest guy around. I smile but inside the monster churns up doubt. When Gabi touches me, I cringe. Fear prickles my skin and burns my eyes. I work out and build myself up because I think I am too small, too weak. My clothes are too tight now. I feel bulky, like gravity is anchoring my feet to the earth. Some days I feel like I am sinking into sand.

For all that is frightening about the monster, It seems to be most threatened by Sonny. Beautiful, positive, loving Sonny who treats me with care; like I am a porcelain doll, like I will shatter if the world trips me over. Sonny, who never tires of my pathetic stories about pathetic pursuits in my pathetic life. Sonny who makes me feel special and stupid all at once, who looks at me like he wants to protect me from all the bad things in the universe. 

The monster doubts Itself when Sonny is near. Sonny scares the monster because the monster feels like It has been wrong all along; that I am worthy of time and love, that I have something to offer others, that I am not as ugly as It makes me out to be. 

When Tad told me that Sonny was interested, the monster naturally pricked my growing hope with condescension. For once, I ran against It, chased after the truth, and pushed myself to put my Heart, my Hope out there. When Sonny smiled with his teeth at me and said yes, yes I like you Will, yes I want you Will, yes to this and now and maybe forever who knows?, I felt a huge sense of triumph. The monster inside my head scowled at me, and went away to hide.

…

Sonny makes me feel like I’m latched onto a thousand balloons when he touches my skin. It could be his finger tapping playfully against mine, or his palm warm against my cheek when we kiss. He makes me tingle like electricity playing tricks on my nerve endings. He says my lips are candy, my eyes the sea, my laugh a melody. He doesn’t use slippery similes; he anchors everything with confident metaphors. I make gagging faces at him when he says all this with that serious look in his eyes because I don’t like to blush all the time around him like a silly schoolgirl. He only musses my hair in response to my immaturity and steals a kiss when I let him.

Sonny makes me feel hot and cold all at the same time. His mouth against mine, his lips soft and hard, his tongue twirling incoherent lyrics out of my own mouth, his perfect hands smoothing the ragged edges of my body, opening into my chest and leaving his mark behind inside me; inside me he makes me fall apart and come together, the pain is worth it for the love, the love is worth it for the pain, all of me, all of him, two people two bodies inseparable, for one moment in time, he is mine all mine not Brian’s or any other person’s, mine all mine.

…

This isn’t my first time with sex but it is my first time with Sonny (which quickly becomes my second time, and then a third) so it matters exponentially more. I am getting to know what drives him wild, so I let him touch my lips as much as he wants, and I let him devote as much attention to my nipples as he desires, and in turn he lets me admire his curves endlessly with my curious hands, and he lets me taste the dimples near the small of his back as many times as I please. He shivers when I brush my lips too close to his ear and I can’t help the whine in the back of my throat when he nibbles the skin inside my thigh. 

Sonny is perfect and mine and always and…

…

Though Gabi’s eyes are breaking me apart with the horror of what we both have conceived, all I see is Sonny. Sonny turning away from me. Sonny saying, you know what I told you to leave, and this whole thing has been a mistake. I am such a mess. Sonny doesn’t deserve this kind of fucked-up, lowlife, second-hand rubbish that I am.

The monster creeps out from Its hidey-hole and bares Its teeth.

I let Its depreciating laughter blanket me in broken silence.


End file.
